Friday, May 8, 2009

"World Class Excellence"

Ok, it's clear the Twins have to do something to get back on their horse.

Wednesday: Twins 1 - Orioles 4
Thursday: Twins 4 - Orioles 5
Twins = Dustbunny

I don't know what they need to do. Maybe Gardy needs to hire a motivational speaker. Yeah, that's it. That's what he should do...
Hi, my name is Cyndi and I've been working for Motivations Specialists for 14 years. I can honestly tell you that I've never had a bad day at work. I love my job, and every single morning I wake up and look forward to going to work. And I want to show you that you can love your jobs too. I'm here to motivate you to achieve "World-Class Excellence."

First I would like to go ahead and do a little mental exercise. Ok, I want everyone to close your eyes. Oh, come on'll be fun. Come on... come on, close your eyes. Everyone's eyes closed? You in the back -- the blond guy -- you too. Ok, good. Now I want you to imagine yourself in your favorite quiet place. Take yourself there now. Ok, good. Now imagine a nice gentle warm rain washing down over you.... What? What's the matter? Oh, no rain? We can't talk about rain? Why not? Bad memories of rain...oh...ok, well we'll move on.

Ok, so we'll try a team-building exercise. Ok? Oh, come on, it won't hurt. Remember, we're trying to achieve "World-Class Excellence." Ok, so I'm going to hand out these pieces of paper. Everyone take one. Ok, great. Now...I have this cardboard box. It has an address label on it. The address label says "Neptune." It used to say "Pluto," but since it's not a planet anymore, it's no longer accepting packages. And I would have addressed it to "Uranus," but I figured it would make you snicker. ...Hello? Is this thing on? There are a lot of blank stares out there... Anyone want to at least smile? No? ...Ok then...

Anyway...I want you to write down your single most damaging trait. It could be "a habit of negativity." It could be "resentfulness." It could be you've "checked out." It could be "giving minimum performance." It could be "lack of accountability." Anything. So I want you to write down one bad trait -- the worst one -- on the piece of paper, and then come up here and put it in the box. Then, we're going to ship it to Neptune so all that negativity and subversion and bad attitude will be far, far away. Come on, I know you guys can think of something to write. Come on, bring them on up and put them in the box. Everyone...

Do you think it'd work?

Nah...I don't either.



Apparently they were just saving up all their runs for TONIGHT. :)

Jim H. said...

Gomez was having trouble coming up with just ONE worst trait.

Delmon thought but did not write "Taking bad routes" by which he meant going back when he should run in and starting in when he should go back and diving when he should pull up and pulling up when he should dive.

Nobody else could think of anything.

k-bro said...

Joe Mauer wrote, "I need to drink more milk," and Justin wrote, "I should really spray some Febreeze on my Canucks undershirt since I can't wash it for fear of bad luck."

Luis Ayala wrote something, but I don't read Spanish. I can imagine what that one says though....

Other than that, you're right, no one else could think of anything.