That Was Deflating

After a nice sweep of the Evil Uglies earlier in the week, the Twins and their momentum deflated pretty quickly, and they became the dustbunnies. Oh, and they're below .500 again.

Recap:
Friday: Twins 5 - Angels 11
Saturday: Twins 6 - Angels 11
Sunday: Twins 4 - Angels 13

(52 - 53, 3rd place, 3 games back)

Ga! It's awful having to type all those double-digit numbers for the opponent. You'd think that scoring four or more runs in a game would at least keep the Twins close. Nope.

So, not only was the entire series a big pthpthpthtphptht, but every little thing was a slow leak. Every time a positive thing happened for the Twins, the good feeling immediately floated away because of a much larger negative thing.

On Friday:

• Joey hits a 3-run homer, Nicky hits an RBI triple, and D-Span hits an RBI double; Blackie and Matty combine to let them tie it up.
• Matty and Nathanator do a nice job keeping it a tie game through the 9th and 10th; Keppel, Crain, and Dickey combine to allow six (!) runs in the top of the 11th, with help from Brendan's tangled feet at the worst possible time.
  

On Saturday:

• Red-Dog and Go-Go hit RBI extra base hits to tie the game; Swarzy allows four singles and three runs in the next half-inning.
• R.A. pitches two nice innings to keep the Twins within two; then starts his third inning of work with a single, a throwing error, a walk, and a homer -- and then Keppel relieves him and quickly gives up two homers.
  

On Sunday:

• D-Span makes an awesome grab for the first out in the 4th; Perkins allows a base-hit to the next batter who eventually scores.
• O-Cab hits his first homer as a Twin; Perkins coughs up 5 runs in the next half-inning.
  

The whole thing felt like trying to blow up a balloon with a hole in it. It gave me a headache.
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Up next:
An off day, then a road trip through Cleveland.

I don't recommend taking the Indians too lightly. Their team has been devastated by a bunch of trades, so the young guys starting are hungry and fearless -- they have nothing to lose. And, they just took 2 of 3 from the Tigers (and the one they lost was in extra innings).

"World Class Excellence"

Ok, it's clear the Twins have to do something to get back on their horse.

Recap:
Wednesday: Twins 1 - Orioles 4
Thursday: Twins 4 - Orioles 5
Twins = Dustbunny

I don't know what they need to do. Maybe Gardy needs to hire a motivational speaker. Yeah, that's it. That's what he should do...

Hi, my name is Cyndi and I've been working for Motivations Specialists for 14 years. I can honestly tell you that I've never had a bad day at work. I love my job, and every single morning I wake up and look forward to going to work. And I want to show you that you can love your jobs too. I'm here to motivate you to achieve "World-Class Excellence."

First I would like to go ahead and do a little mental exercise. Ok, I want everyone to close your eyes. Oh, come on now...it'll be fun. Come on... come on, close your eyes. Everyone's eyes closed? You in the back -- the blond guy -- you too. Ok, good. Now I want you to imagine yourself in your favorite quiet place. Take yourself there now. Ok, good. Now imagine a nice gentle warm rain washing down over you.... What? What's the matter? Oh, no rain? We can't talk about rain? Why not? Bad memories of rain...oh...ok, well we'll move on.

Ok, so we'll try a team-building exercise. Ok? Oh, come on, it won't hurt. Remember, we're trying to achieve "World-Class Excellence." Ok, so I'm going to hand out these pieces of paper. Everyone take one. Ok, great. Now...I have this cardboard box. It has an address label on it. The address label says "Neptune." It used to say "Pluto," but since it's not a planet anymore, it's no longer accepting packages. And I would have addressed it to "Uranus," but I figured it would make you snicker. ...Hello? Is this thing on? There are a lot of blank stares out there... Anyone want to at least smile? No? ...Ok then...

Anyway...I want you to write down your single most damaging trait. It could be "a habit of negativity." It could be "resentfulness." It could be you've "checked out." It could be "giving minimum performance." It could be "lack of accountability." Anything. So I want you to write down one bad trait -- the worst one -- on the piece of paper, and then come up here and put it in the box. Then, we're going to ship it to Neptune so all that negativity and subversion and bad attitude will be far, far away. Come on, I know you guys can think of something to write. Come on, bring them on up and put them in the box. Everyone...

Do you think it'd work?

Nah...I don't either.

Short Series Makes for a Long Day

Sorry, I'm kinda tired, so I'm gonna keep this short. Why do I bother? As much as I'd like to forget this series even happened, I should take the good with the bad -- I do want to keep track.

Recap:
Wednesday Game 1: Twins 1 - Red Sox 10 (7)
Wednesday Game 2: Twins 3 - Red Sox 7
Twins earn the dustbunny.

Huh. A whole series in one day...a really long day.

And one more thing...I'm into Earth Day and recycling as much as the next girl, but seriously, do the Red Sox really have to recycle their stupid green St. Patrick's Day Spring Training jerseys to celebrate it? I know they're St. Patty's day jerseys; the shamrocks are still on the left sleeves.

Someone Hold My Hands Down...

so I don't scratch out my eyeballs out of frustration.

Twins 0 - Jays 9
Jays sweep in 3, and the season series in 6

I blame myself for this mess. You see, I have these ratty old Twins jammies. I've learned over the years that if I don't wear those jammies on Sunday nights, the Twins have a bad week. On weeks when I failed to wear them that Sunday, the following bad things happened:

• Corey Koskie signed with the Blue Jays (I was on a flight home from Germany)
• All of 2005 (thinking they were getting too ratty to wear anymore, I failed to believe the their powers)
• Francisco Liriano blew his elbow (too busy to do laundry on that Sunday)
• Torii signed with the Angels (again with the too busy to do laundry thing)
• This week (I failed to properly plan for the Labor Day weekend at the lake)

Who can argue with results like this? When I realized that I may have messed up this week, I tried reasoning that because the Twins had Monday off, it would be ok. Apparently I was wrong. And, because it's a weekly thing, I can't make amends until this coming Sunday night.

I don't know what to do. About three weeks ago, I thought I would be ok settling for the "well, at least they did way better than I thought they would" attitude. I was wrong.

I Want The Division Championship, Dammit!

Gawd, It's Good to Get Outta Bawston

Monday: Twins 0 - Sawx 1
Tuesday: Twins 5 - Sawx 6
Wednesday: Twins 5 - Sawx 18

Boston takes 3 game series (ouch)

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Ok, everyone's thinking it, so I'm just going to come out and shout it:

I f'ing HATE Manny Ramirez!!!!!!

He's ugly, he's cocky, he needs a haircut, he probably smells bad, ... did I mention he's ugly? Oh, and he abuses Twins pitching. Ugh.

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Speaking of hate, I think I get to hate the umpiring staff today. I didn't see the game, but I did listen to the radio. And according to John-n-Dazzle, it sounded like the umpires blew at least three calls in favor of the Sox -- the so-called triple play that wasn't, the fan interference, and the should've-been infield fly rule. And it didn't sound like they were questionable calls; they were flat out wrong. No wonder Gardy was fuming.

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Whew, all this hating is way too negative. What the Twins need is some relaxation and levity in order to recover so they can go after the Tigers. I've written up some instructions:

Players' Instructions for Recovery:

1. Call room service and order the following items:
   ■ Celestial Seasonings Sleepytime^TM tea
   ■ Chicken Noodle Soup
   ■ Large Hot Fudge Sundae (Optional: with sprinkles)


2. Change into your most cozy jammies or sweats.


3. Take two Advil.


4. Order a pay-per-view comedy movie such as Spaceballs or Airplane
   OR
   Watch re-runs of a comedy television show such as Family Guy.


5. Enjoy your meal.


6. Tuck yourself into bed plenty early, and wake up fully rested and in a good mood ready to conquer another day.

Important: Do not come in contact with SportsCenter or Baseball Tonight or read the copy of USA Today that will be outside your door in the morning.

Troubleshooting: If the above procedure does not work, ask the trainer to use the Super-secret Men In Black Memory Erasing Pen.

The cool thing about this procedure is that it also works on distraught Twins fans, too. Except for the calling Room Service part. But maybe you can see if your spouse/sweetie/child is willing to accomodate you.

Oh, and if anyone knows how I can get myself one of those Super-secret Men In Black Memory Erasing Pens, please let me know.

Jay Pecked

Tuesday: Twins 3 - Jays 5
Wednesday: Twins 5 - Jays 6
Thursday: Twins 2 - Jays 3 (11)

So if we get the broom out when we sweep the other guys, what do we get out when the other guys sweep us? The dustbunny? Ick.



Which pretty much sums up this series. In fact, it was pretty frustrating to watch/listen to. It just seemed like nothing would go right. Like a whole bunch of false-starts. And right when everyone was getting all excited about how well things were going. But that's all I have to say about that, because if I say any more, this will just turn into some kind of negative-fest. No one wants that.

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I'm looking forward to the Colorado series. First of all, I love National League style play because I like it when pitchers bat. Also, I have a huge crush on Matt Holliday, and I'm excited to see him.

cutie

However, Matt honey, could'ya please just not play quite as well as normal? Just for the weekend? Thanks.

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And to the Twins, don't get down, enjoy Colorado, and have fun.