Saturday: Twins 2 – Yuck Sox 11
Sunday: Twins 2 – Puke Sox 12
Somebody. Please. Stop. The. Bleeding.
You guys...you lollygag the ball around the infield. You lollygag your way down to first. You lollygag in and out of the dugout. You know what that makes you? Lollygaggers! ~Skip. Bull Durham.
This is getting really bad. Really ugly, awfully, disgustingly bad. It’s been well documented that the White Sox have been playing very well since Ozzie Guillen’s profanity-laced hissy fit (by the way ESPN, you can stop talking about it now – we’ve heard it enough). Obviously, it’s time for Gardy to start yelling. LOUD! In case he needs help with what he should say, I offer some suggestions (edited to comply with a PG-13 rating). If nothing else, it gets some stuff off my chest.
To the starting pitchers: Can someone PLEASE stay in the game for longer than, I don’t know, 4 1/3 innings for crissakes? We beg you to go deep into the game. You know the relievers are tired and sore. And yet you insist on serving cookies and getting hit around. I swear, I’m gonna put in Monroe or Macri to pitch. It can’t get any more embarrassing - unless you start pitching without pants. And another thing, why the [bleep] are to pitching to Crede? Apparently the ball looks like a volleyball to him. Pitch around the [bleep]er.
To the batters: Either you swing and miss like [bleep]ing lunatics or you ground out to third. Where’s the power? Where’s the situational hitting? In fact, where’s any kind of hitting at all? You’re batting like you’re blindfolded up there. And you’re leaving men on base all over the place. Are your bats made out of Swiss cheese? Quit being afraid of the ball.
To the defense: Could you start actually reading the ball off the bats? You break in when you should be running out. You dive like [bleep]ing ballerinas. You’re out there running around like you’re herding cats. That is if you’re running after it at all. Start getting some outs, will’ya for crissakes?
To Bill Smith: Remind me again why losing Juan Rincon off waivers is a bad thing.
Aaaah. I feel better now. Do you? Why don’t you give it a try?