Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Gawd, It's Good to Get Outta Bawston

Monday: Twins 0 - Sawx 1
Tuesday: Twins 5 - Sawx 6
Wednesday: Twins 5 - Sawx 18

Boston takes 3 game series (ouch)

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Ok, everyone's thinking it, so I'm just going to come out and shout it:

I f'ing HATE Manny Ramirez!!!!!!

He's ugly, he's cocky, he needs a haircut, he probably smells bad, ... did I mention he's ugly? Oh, and he abuses Twins pitching. Ugh.

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Speaking of hate, I think I get to hate the umpiring staff today. I didn't see the game, but I did listen to the radio. And according to John-n-Dazzle, it sounded like the umpires blew at least three calls in favor of the Sox -- the so-called triple play that wasn't, the fan interference, and the should've-been infield fly rule. And it didn't sound like they were questionable calls; they were flat out wrong. No wonder Gardy was fuming.

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Whew, all this hating is way too negative. What the Twins need is some relaxation and levity in order to recover so they can go after the Tigers. I've written up some instructions:

Players' Instructions for Recovery:

  1. Call room service and order the following items:
    ■ Celestial Seasonings SleepytimeTM tea
    ■ Chicken Noodle Soup
    ■ Large Hot Fudge Sundae (Optional: with sprinkles)

  2. Change into your most cozy jammies or sweats.

  3. Take two Advil.

  4. Order a pay-per-view comedy movie such as Spaceballs or Airplane
    OR
    Watch re-runs of a comedy television show such as Family Guy.

  5. Enjoy your meal.

  6. Tuck yourself into bed plenty early, and wake up fully rested and in a good mood ready to conquer another day.
Important: Do not come in contact with SportsCenter or Baseball Tonight or read the copy of USA Today that will be outside your door in the morning.

Troubleshooting: If the above procedure does not work, ask the trainer to use the Super-secret Men In Black Memory Erasing Pen.
The cool thing about this procedure is that it also works on distraught Twins fans, too. Except for the calling Room Service part. But maybe you can see if your spouse/sweetie/child is willing to accomodate you.

Oh, and if anyone knows how I can get myself one of those Super-secret Men In Black Memory Erasing Pens, please let me know.

5 comments:

Tricia said...

Manny probably steals candy from babies and kicks puppies too.

Mrs. Slowey said...

gosh, i would love to get me one of those memory erasing pens too! if you find out where to get one, let me know!
I also agree with you on the hate for manny rameriez. i think we should tag team him...one sits on him while the other shaves his head and buys him clothes that fit! I'd like to throw eggs at him too if you're willing! :)

k-bro said...

We could do that, as long as we use expired eggs. It would be a shame to waste perfectly good eggs on a dirtbag like Manny.

Mrs. Slowey said...

i like that idea! i'm totally game. :)

becca said...

Manny is gross. Cut your damn hair! Look smug all you want but Tampa Bay is going to win the AL East.
**Becca**