Friday, July 25, 2008

Franchise Saving the Franchise

JoeC is reporting that he expects the Twins to bring up Francisco Lirano within the next few days. Well praise to the Baseball Gods for that. And not a moment too soon, either. After all, he's the only who save Twins Territory now.

  • He'll be a dominating left-handed addition to the rotation, striking out batters at will.
  • He'll improve the ERAs of the rest of the pitching staff.
  • He'll single-handedly rid the dug-out of ass-bats and bless the remaining bats increasing each batter's BA by at least 20 points allowing every one to win the MVP.
  • He'll exercise demons from the fielders' gloves, causing every one of the Twins position players to win a Gold Glove.
  • He'll lay hands on Pat-Pat's arm, immediately healing his injury.
  • He'll apply healing powers to Cuddy's, Nicky's, Alexi's, and Tigger's hands.
  • Not only will he himself win the Cy Young, he'll cause everyone else on the pitching staff to win one too.
  • He'll cause a colossal collapse to the White Sox', Tigers', and Yankees' seasons.
  • He'll finish the new stadium so it'll be ready a year early.
  • Heck, he might also solve the mystery as to why you always see random shoes along the side of the road.

Thank you Franciso. Thank you Twins.

It's about time.

1 comment:

Tricia said...

I would love an answer to that random-shoes-on-the-road mystery. All those other miracles would be pretty great, too.