- He'll be a dominating left-handed addition to the rotation, striking out batters at will.
- He'll improve the ERAs of the rest of the pitching staff.
- He'll single-handedly rid the dug-out of ass-bats and bless the remaining bats increasing each batter's BA by at least 20 points allowing every one to win the MVP.
- He'll exercise demons from the fielders' gloves, causing every one of the Twins position players to win a Gold Glove.
- He'll lay hands on Pat-Pat's arm, immediately healing his injury.
- He'll apply healing powers to Cuddy's, Nicky's, Alexi's, and Tigger's hands.
- Not only will he himself win the Cy Young, he'll cause everyone else on the pitching staff to win one too.
- He'll cause a colossal collapse to the White Sox', Tigers', and Yankees' seasons.
- He'll finish the new stadium so it'll be ready a year early.
- Heck, he might also solve the mystery as to why you always see random shoes along the side of the road.
Thank you Franciso. Thank you Twins.
It's about time.
1 comment:
I would love an answer to that random-shoes-on-the-road mystery. All those other miracles would be pretty great, too.
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