Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Problem with Poonkees (a story)

(Twins 4 - Yankees 12)

Bright and early Monday morning, the Twins players started arriving in the visitor's clubhouse at Yankee Stadium. When they got there, there was a shoe box sitting nicely on the bench. The tag on it read, "To the Twins, All My Love, Sid."

"Hmm. Wonder what it could be," said Alexi Casilla.

"I don't know. Do you think it's a trick? Joe, what do you think?" asked Delmon Young.

Joe Mauer glanced at the box as he wiped off his milk moustache and said, "I don't know. I don't really remember what kind of guy Sid was. It's probably ok. Open it and see. I have to go make a phone call." And he held up his Qwest phone and walked away.

So Nick Blackburn opened the box and smiled. Inside were a bunch of adorable fuzzy colorful creatures. "Awww. These are cute," he said as he picked one up.

Craig Breslow walked over, picked two out the box, and said, "hey, these are pretty cute."

Soon, several of the guys were picking them up, snuggling and playing with them and smiling. Mike Redmond walked through and said, "hey, those look like Tribbles."

Everyone looked at him with a confused expression. "You know," he explained, "Tribbles? From Star Trek? Oh, never mind." And he walked off to go put on some clothes.

Boof asked, "what is he talking about."

"I don't know," replied Matt Guerrier, "I think it's a old-guy thing."

Soon, Denard Span stopped in the doorway. "Hey Denard, look at these," exclaimed Brian Buscher. "Aren't these great?"

Denard replied, "Nah. I think they're kind of creepy. I ain't touching 'em." So he left.

A moment later, Joe Nathan walked in and stopped dead in his tracks. "What are you doing? Put those down right now! Don't you know what those are?" he cried.

The guys stared at Joe and mumbled, "What? What are they?" as they set the critters down on the bench.

"Those are the Yankee Stadium Poonkees. They're evil. The legend goes that they're the mutant spawn of all the left over concessions that have been stored all these years. I heard they're even worse this year because they're feeding off all the reminiscing about the stadium. You didn't let them get their dust on you, did you?"

The guys looked at themselves and brushed off their shirts and mumbled, "yeah, a little."

Joe continued, "No. This isn't good. These things have curses. If you get their dust on you, you're doomed."

"What kind of curses?" the guys asked.

"In order to reveal their curses, you have to act like a Yankees Fan and shout the super-secret string of obsenities." And he proceeded to swear and cuss with a rhythmic tempo.

Soon, the Poonkees revealed their curses:

poonkees

2 comments:

Tricia said...

I think that story explains a lot. Do you think there's fast-acting antibiotics to cure that curse? If there are, you probably can't find them at a NY pharmacy.

Mrs. Slowey said...

wow...that does explain the now 2 horrific losses! What were those (dumb) boys thinking?!
I'm hopeful Glen didn't touch those things! Maybe he's not cursed. :)