Li'l Sweep

Twins 4 - Pasty Hose 3

Yay! Twins sweep a series. Time for the broom. But it was a small series, so it really only deserves a small broom. How about a large paintbrush?

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A day game today and no game tomorrow? Sounds like I have to get a life for the next couple evenings. Hmmm.... Nah.

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Bummer that Joey's hitting streak is over. Start a new one on Friday, ‘k?

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Thanks to FSN for airing the Squeeze Play show. I really like catching the important parts of the game, even though I already know what happened.

Boof, There It Is

Twins 3 - Sox of the White Variety 1

Wow! Boof pitched great last night. He struck out a ton (8) of batters, and the defense behind him was strong. He even made a couple nice plays himself. Nice work, honey.

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Is Nick Swisher trying to look as ugly as possible? I mean he was pretty nasty the last time we played the Sox, but now he's even worse. In addition to the ugly white-dyed goatee, there's now this weird black chinstrap thing. Yuk. I'm glad I don't have to look at that all the time.

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I'm glad Nathanator got the giving up homeruns thing out of his system when it didn't matter instead of saving it for today.

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I kind of liked having Ron Coomer in the booth with Dick. It was interesting hearing more of a batter's point of view. But I am glad Bert will be back next time.

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Didn't Kubel's homer just sound pretty when he hit it?

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My favorite play was that double-play that Delmon got when he caught Thome's fly ball up against the wall, and threw to Harris who threw out Swisher returning to first. Absolute poetry there.

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And finally, the "All Together Now" moment of the game: When Ron was reading the disclaimer ("This copyrighted telecast is presented on the authority of the Minnesota Twins...") and he started stumbling, I just recited it from memory, and finished it way before he did. At first, I was feeling all superior, being able to just say it while he has a hard time reading it. But then it hit me: who's the real dork here?

Toys for the Boys

So our guys have the evening off, and I suppose they're pretty blue. They didn't have a very good weekend, so they need something to cheer them up. And what's better to lift the spirits of a bunch of boys than toys? So I checked out amazon.com and found some fun things for them to play with.

For Nick Blackburn: You always seem so grumpy and I've never seen you smile. And that's ok, because you gotta be who you gotta be. I can't think of anything that celebrates gloominess better than this Eeyore plush.

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For Matt Tolbert: Gardy says you never stop moving around and that you're just a bundle of energy. So, to capture your personality, and to go along with the "Winnie the Pooh" theme, I chose this Tigger plush.

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For Go-Go: Everyone knows that no one is faster than you. So the only thing I can think of that can keep up with you is this Lightning McQueen toy.

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For Joey: Girls have been chasing you since you broke into the majors. I figure that if you're going to be treated like an American Idol, you may as well pretend you're an American Idol. So I chose this American Idol Recording Studio.

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For Cuddy: I'm glad you're back off the DL, but I'm still worried about your hand. I think you should protect it as much as possible while you play, so I chose these Sock'em Boppers for you.

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For Boof: Nice job on losing weight. You look great, and you should be proud. Since you have many fewer fat cells in your body, you might want to play with this Giant Microbes Fat Cell plush toy.*

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For Everyone Else (because I want to be done now): After such a downer of a game on Sunday, you all must be tense and serious. Nothing lightens things up better than lots and lots of bubbles. I chose this Gazillion Bubbles Machine.

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*I know, a plush fat cell is creepy, but this company has a whole line of creepy microbe plush toys such as syphilis, e.coli, HIV, the clap. Maybe we can send a bunch to the visitor's clubhouse.

Saturday Slugfest - Sunday Snorefest

Saturday: Twins 12 - Rangers 6
Sunday: Twins 0 - Rangers 10

Since Saturday's game was more fun, I'll talk about it first. Too bad I didn't see much of it, and didn't hear any of it. I was visiting friends, and they had the TV on in the corner for me, but it was muted. The score was 5 - 2 Rangers when I sneered and opened another beer. Then, every time I looked up, there was someone in a blue jersey missing, booting, or otherwise duffing a ball. That was fun.

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I also saw Cuddy's homer. Nice work, sweetie.

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Ahem, now today's game. Yeah, not as much fun. Is it time to start worrying about Livan? Is he beginning to remind anyone of another pitcher who looked good at first, but then wound up getting released (hint hint Ramon Ortiz)? Let's hope not; perhaps I'm just being premature.

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And finally, the "Kids Are Great" moment of the game: I think they have microphones pointing at the crowd during the broadcasts to get the "at the ballpark" feel on TV. Well, the microphone must have been pointing at some kids today, because I could hear them really clearly. For the most part, they were cheering for their team like you would expect - "Let's go [whoever's at bat]", or "Let's go Rangers", etc. But I totally laughed my head off when, while Livan was struggling, I heard them shout, "We want a pitcher, not a belly-itcher!" Me too, kids, me too. I don't know why I thought it was so funny - I guess it reminded me of "Little Big League".

Grand Slam for Nothing

Twins 5 - Rangers 6 (10)

I know everyone else in Twins Territory asked it, probably out loud, but I'm going to ask it too: Why, oh why did Gardy put Rincon in for the 10^th when Joe Nathan was warm? Why?

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A lot of stupid things happened in the game, like giving back a 5-run lead and throwing to the wrong base, but the stupidest had to be in the bottom of the 8^th when the ball went right through Mike Lamb's legs. Actually, the best part was his reaction - he must have felt like an 8 year old kid again. Fortunately, no harm was done because of it, so it's pretty funny.

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Glad to see Cuddy back.

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Are the Rangers seriously considering starting Sidney Ponson? According to the Twins website, they are. In fact, the picture of Sir Sid shows him still wearing a Twins hat.

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And finally, the "Are the Guys in the Truck Watching the Same Game?" moment of the game: In the 1^st, when Joey was up to bat with Go-Go on second, all of a sudden the scroll thing under the score banner that announces homeruns said "2-run Homerun - Mauer (1)". However, he was still at the plate at the time. In fact, he wound up walking.



Sorry about the crappy picture. I don't have HD TV, and I'm just using a digital camera because I don't have the equipment and/or knowhow to get pictures off my DVR. And yes, I'm dorky enough to record every game.

Conundrum

Wednesday: Twins 0 -- Ugly White Shoes 3
Thursday: Twins 2 -- Big Hurt's New Team eleventy billion

Which is worse? Pitching well enough to win, but can't possibly do that because the bats don't work ala Boof, or pitching like you're blindfolded, and feverish, and possibly sleepy, and can't get out of the first inning ala Franchise? For this Twins fan, it's a tough call. A loss is a loss is a loss.

There's no doubt that Boof is fine -- he knows he'll be making starts next month, and if he continues to pitch like he has been, he'll get his wins. But what, oh what, do we do with Francisco? I'm sure there will be plenty of speculation. Keep him and be patient? Send him to the bullpen? Send him down to the minors? I'm glad I don't have to make that decision.

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A big, back-handed thank you to my boss for keeping me in that meeting all afternoon sparing me the pain of listening to the first inning. Actually, I think the thank you comes from the co-workers in my neighboring cubicles as I tend to forget I'm not alone when I listen to the games. I can only imagine the swearing that would have happened.

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Thank God for girlfriends who share their wine.

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And finally, the "You'd Have Way More Credibility If You Halfway Knew What the Hell You Were Talking About, You Moron" moment of the day: Why do I listen to Barreiro after a Twins loss? In fact, why do I listen to him at all? He was talking about Francisco's bad day when he said in his smart-ass way, "I blame Mauer. Don't they say that he's supposed to call a good game?" blah, blah, blah. Ok, you idiot, it's a stupid statement to begin with -- it's not the catcher's fault if the pitcher can't throw the ball. But the fatal flaw is that REDMOND caught today. And he should know that; Redmond almost always catches a day game after a night game, and he should have remembered because he complains about it enough. *extreme eye rolling*

Earth Day in Oakland

Twins 5 - Oakland 4

The Twins traveled to sunny California to celebrate Earth Day by facing a Green Team. Luckily, Craig Monroe realized as he stepped up to the plate for his first at-bat that the A's aren't really a Green Team, but merely a team that happens to wear green. Big difference. I think the ugly white shoes tipped him off. He showed his distaste for the posers by going 3 for 4 and driving in 3. Nice work, Craig.

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Dear Go-Go,
Honey, going for the Golden Sombrero is no caliente. In fact, it is muy feo. Please avoid doing that in the future. Thanks.

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Reasons I dislike playing Oakland:

• The games are usually on after my bed time. When one is my age, one needs as much beauty sleep as one can get.


• Those blasted aforementioned white shoes. They look especially ridiculous on the players who wear tall socks because the socks are dark green. And I normally love tall socks.


• The people in the stands with the annoying horns. I know many stadiums have fans with horns, but Oakland is the only place where it bugs me so much. And I noticed a new wrinkle last night -- fans with whistles.


• Dick-n-Bert go on and on and on about the amount of foul territory there. WE KNOW!

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They have the "Ode to Joy" commercial on the Twins website now (thanks Krissy for the heads-up). I've seen it at least 25 times, and I still think it's the most hilarious thing ever. Love it, love it, love it.

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And finally, the "I got it, I got it, I got it, I ain't got it" moments of the game: How many bloop hits did the Twins get in front of Oakland's outfield -- three or four? I know they got one in front of Go-Go that he overran, but I felt much better about it when they were doing the same thing with much more regularity.