Baker's Dozen

Twins 12 - Chicago 5

Scotty looked really good last night, even though he started to make a habit of giving up lead off homeruns. It doesn’t matter as much when you’re the pitcher of record when your team scores 12 runs. Very nice to see life in the bats.
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The boys looked so adorable in their stocking caps. I need to get me one of those.


And who knows? Maybe if I buy myself a stocking cap, Mother Nature will spite me and change the weather so I can’t wear it. We can only hope.
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I totally called Jason Kubel’s grand slam. Bert was calling for a gapper, “that’s what the Twins want him to do; hit a gapper.” And I said, “Kubes, you can do better than that.” Yup. My good.
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A.J. Pierzynski is the only catcher I know who has a hard time catching intentional walks. We’ve all seen a ton of intentional walks over the years, but A.J. is the only one who has to jump/dive/leap/run around in order to catch them. Is it him or his pitchers?
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Who replaced the Twins with the Stooges in the 6^th? Don’t do that again.
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My Web-Gem regardless of what ESPN says: Go-Go’s crazy-ass diving catch in the 1^st. Very hot.
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And finally, the “Someone Please Hit a Foul Ball Right into That Guy’s Mouth” moment of the game: In the 9^th, there was this jackass in the stands heckling the Twins. You could really hear him because the most of the rest of the crowd was gone by then. It was most noticeable right after Lammers got hurt. This guy’s most brilliant taunt (with Everett up to bat and Go-Go in the on-deck circle): “Gomez, we don’t want to see you doing a jig.” What does that even mean?

Cool Name Roster -- AL

For the first off day of the season, I thought I'd share my annual American League Cool-Name Roster.

Here's how it works:

• This roster is based solely on the coolness of the player's name. Actual baseball ability, attractiveness, personality, or personal-hygiene have nothing to do with it.


• The player was listed on his team's active roster at the listed position (on mlb.com) as of whenever it was I looked it up (a couple days ago). The player doesn't have to be a starter for that position.


• Fun to say trumps fun to spell. Extra consideration if it's fun to say while you're pretending to be a ballpark PA announcer.


• If a certain position's choice seems to be lame, it's because that's as good as it gets (it was kind of hard to find a cool name for a couple of positions).


• This is my list. However, I am willing to take suggestions for "bench names".

C - Kenji Johjima (SEA)
1B - Morgan Ensberg (NYY) [seems more like a librarian's name than a baseball player's]
2B - Placido Polanco (DET)
3B - Marco Scutaro (TB)
SS - Edgar Renteria (DET)
LF - Frank Catalanotto (TEX) [isn't he that guy who does John Madden impersonations? jk]
CF - Coco Crisp (BOS)
RF - Nick Markakis (BAL)
DH - Jack Cust (OAK)
SP - Boof Bonser (MIN)
RP - Jimmy Gobble (KC)
CL - Huston Street (OAK)

Next off day: National League

Mea Culpa

That was a bummer! I mean an incredibly, horribly, craptasticly nasty bummer. And I take full responsibility. I was confident. I had hubris. I challenged the baseball gods. And they made our bullpen pay.

I foolishly sent an email to my boss, who grew up in Chicago, bragging that the Twins were leading and the bullpen would surely pin down the win. Ouch. I know, I know. I'm sorry. My bad. Lesson learned. Won't happen again.




My Dearest Matt and Pat;

While I do admit some fault for the sudden life in the bats of the White Sox, did you have to allow the bases to be full for Joe Crede? I mean, really?

Disappointedly,

k-bro

And finally, the "What the Hell Did He Just Say" moment of the game: Ozzie Guillen was tossed from the game in the third for arguing balls and strikes. According to John and Dazzle, he was really hollering. I would've loved to hear that. Ozzie's hard enough to understand when he's calm; I can only imagine how crazy it sounded when he was hopping mad.

Week 1 -- Check

Well, at least the Twins won the series this time, which is better than the Tigers can say (har har). Boof did a nice job, but the bats were just a little too quiet - except for Justin's - to give him a chance. Did it seem like the Twins struck out looking a lot today? I thought so, but maybe I overreacted.

Clearly Justin finally got pissed off about everyone asking him about his slump, because he's sure hitting the snot out of the ball lately. Just a reminder: hitting the snot out of the ball is a good thing, so keep it up.

Now that the first week has passed, I have a couple opinions:

• Carlos Gomez is a lot more fun to watch than I thought he would be. I sure hope it lasts. I was bummed to hear that he doesn't qualify as a rookie.


• I'm really bummed about Cuddy's hand. The descriptions of the injury sound really icky. I hope he heals quickly.


• I'm impressed with Delmon's arm. I *heart* outfield assists. He needs a nickname. Hmmm - I'll have to put some thought into it.


• For some reason, Matt Tolbert reminds me of David Eckstein, only bigger.
  
  

And of course, Happy Birthday to Bert! I think he likes his birthday almost as much as I like mine. But I never get to go to a baseball game on my birthday. *pout*

And finally, the "I'm the Umpire and I Don't Like Dodge" moment of the game: With one out in the bottom of the ninth, the third-base umpire requested that the advertising banner behind home plate be changed. Reportedly, he didn't like it because it was white (it was a Dodge ad). Umm, I don't think there are that many different ads rolling through that banner, so it was probably there off-and-on for the whole game. Whatever.

Now That's Better

It was good game. Of course, every win is a good game. A rundown of my thoughts by inning:

1^st The picture-in-picture view shall from now on be known as "Go-Go Cam".
2^nd The new manager for the Royals looks like Billy Bob Thornton.
2^nd I wonder if Go-Go has a rug burn on his bum from sliding around centerfield.
2^nd That Telly guy is new, isn't he? I mean new to broadcasting. Of any kind.
3^rd Sure, Justin gets his hit and RBI, and Cuddy gets hurt. Please be ok Cuddyhoney.
4^th Oh Adam, what a squeeze.

[Then I sat with my son, mini-bro, and spent time looking at his baseball cards. We had some laughs looking some of the cards from the '80s and early '90s -- he found Storm Davis as a Royal, which was a hoot. We were still watching the Twins game, but not intently. But then again, nothing terribly exciting happened anyways.]

9^th "Joe, no interesting!" (I always say that when he takes the mound). "Good. Good. Crap. Ok, no MORE interesting. C'mon Joe. Joe, please. YES!"

Finally, the "Let Me Make Sure I Have All My Teeth" moments of the game:
Either in the seventh or eighth, the home plate umpire suffered a direct-hit foul ball off the mask. Hard. Then in the ninth, same thing happened to Joe Mauer. That's gotta hurt!

P.S. to Cuddyhoney: I can't say this enough -- please, please, please be ok!

The Beast

Twins 0 - Angels 1

Amongst the Twins bats lives a beast who shows up from time to time to feed on men on base. And the beast was hungry last night; in fact it was a gluttonous pig, chowing four times in 2 1/2 hours as if Twins base runners were Lay's potato chips. This insatiable, greedy beast's lack of willpower caused Nick Blackburn, who pitched brilliantly (as if he's been a big league starter for much more than five minutes), to suffer the loss on a stupid wild pitch. The beast's name? GIDP.
My web-gems, regardless of what ESPN says:

1. LNP's horizontal barehanded catch-throw to first in the 9th.


2. Justin Morneau's diving knock-down then flip back to Blackburn in the 5th.

(Turns out ESPN concurred: my #2 was their #3, and my #1 was their #1.)

And finally, the "Gotta Love Bert" moment of the game (ok, I didn't really intend this to be a daily thing, but I can't resist this one):

"One ringy-dingy" (referring to a foul-tip that hit the Angels catcher where no man wants to be hit).

Two Left Feet

Twins 1 -- LAA 9

That pretty much bit. We all know it bit. The Twins all know it bit. Everyone knows why it bit. Let's move on.

Except Delmon Young. Delmon honey, you're doing just fine; keep it up.

A couple of (very dim) bright spots:

• It was good to see Jesse Crain again


• It was good to see Brendan Harris make a nice defensive play (too bad he errored later)


• It was good to see Adam Everett get an RBI (too bad it was the only one)

Finally: The "Gotta Love Bert" moment of the game:

"We're not here to kiss each other."