To The Pain

Westley: "To the pain," means the first thing you lose will be your feet below the ankles, then your hands at the wrists, next your nose.

Prince Humperdinck: And, then my tongue I suppose. I killed you too quickly the last time; a mistake I don't mean to duplicate tonight.

Westley: I wasn't finished. The next thing you lose will be your left eye, followed by the right . . .

Prince Humperdinck: And, then my ears, I understand. Let's get on with it.

Westley: Wrong! Your ears you keep, and I'll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish, every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out: "Dear God, what is that thing?" will echo in your perfect ears. That is what "to the pain" means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery, forever.

~The Princess Bride, 1987

It's beginning to feel like Twins fans have been subject to a healthy dose of "to the pain" lately. Fans, bloggers, journalists, announcers, the manager, and even players are all frustrated.

As painful as it must be to be a fan of a team like the Royals or Nationals, at least hopes of post-season play are short-lived and life quickly goes on. Kind of like ripping the band-aid off.

But this wallowing in freakish misery that has us teetering between "no way" and "it could happen" is tortuous. Like death by 1000 cuts.

But not death...pain. Pain of 1000 cuts...and then 238 bee stings...and 6 cavities...and a brain-freeze...while a bad '90s break-up song is playing (I'm thinking something by Sinead O'Connor). Oh, and what the hell, let's throw in a mild myocardial ischemia while we're at it.

So what's a fan to do? It's awfully hard to give up hope when hope keeps flirting with you.

But, really, is it so bad to just forget about the post-season? Just let it go? I'm not saying give up watching and rooting for the Twins; just accept them and love them the way they are. Kind of like when parents realize their kids probably aren't getting that full-ride scholarship to Harvard.

So, for me at least, I am declaring the rest of the season "Day To Day." And to that, Bert Blyleven will reply "aren't we all."

But then, as I write this, the Twins are winning and the Tigers are losing, so, you never know...