For Every Hello, There's a Goodbye

So it was fun to see our friend Barty again, but now he and his team are gone. And it wasn't such a bad visit -- at least for the hosts.

Recap:
Monday: Twins 1 - Rays 7
Tuesday: Twins 4 - Rays 3
Wednesday: Twins 8 - Rays 3
Twins take series 2 - 1

I like the Rays; in addition to Barty and Garza, they also have Evan Longoria, who is fun to watch and darned cute. They seem like a great team -- kind of Twins-like I guess. And anyone who can help keep the Yankees and Red Sox out of the World Series is A-ok in my book. So, now that they've left town, I wish them all the best of luck -- especially when they're playing our division rivals and those Yankees and Red Sox.

~~~~~~

Speaking of saying hello, guess who comes back tomorrow. Oh, you know.


Photo from Minnesota Twins website

But, that means we have to say goodbye to someone. And that's not so fun.

We might have to say goodbye to Jose Morales. That would be a bummer because in the short time he's been here, he's managed to wiggle his cute little butt into our hearts, what with all the hitting and the trying really hard to throw out runners and call good games.

Or we might have to say goodbye, at least temporarily, to Red-Dog. That would be a bummer because that would mean putting him on the DL, which is like an insult to him. He's been so good and fun and helpful that no one wants to insult him.

What to do...what to do...?

~~~~~~

Speaking of Red-Dog, he recently had an MRI on his shoulder, and he claims they found a Bud Light in there. I don't doubt it for a second. If anyone has a beer in his shoulder, it's him. In fact, I was able to obtain a peek at his results.



I'm just wondering what they'd find if they scanned his knee. Nachos?

~~~~~~

One more goodbye: the month of April. It wasn't bad; it wasn't great -- in fact, it was .500. Here's hoping saying hello to May leads to much better than that.

Weekend in Cleveland

When they were in Cleveland this weekend, some of the Twins players noticed that the visitors' clubhouse and dugout were very dusty. They graciously offered to sweep things up on Sunday, but the Indians declined. Oh well.

Recap:
Friday: Twins 5 - Cleveland 1
Saturday: Twins 7 - Cleveland 1
Sunday: Twins 2 - Cleveland 4
Twins take series 2 - 1

So we didn't sweep the Indians. It's ok, it was still a pretty fun series. Even the loss wasn't sooo bad -- at least it wasn't a blowout. Thanks to Blackie and K-Slo for pitching gems. It was so fun to watch you guys pitch, so please accept a little gem as a gift ◊ (<-- the closest thing to a gem I can come up with). And thanks to the hitters for, well, hitting...especially Jose Morales on Sunday. Now, our boys are back home for four three with the Rays. I hate even-numbered series, but whatever. [EDIT: Ok, I don't know what I was dreaming when I wrote this; it's only a THREE game series. It probably had to do with the fact that every other weekday series this month was even numbered. While it's true that I don't like even-numbered game series, I don't have to worry about it now. Sorry for the mess up.]

~~~~~~~~~~


File It Under "I" For Interesting (or Inane, whichever you like):
(Some random stuff from MLB that's been cluncking around in my head)

• I read in the book The Yankee Years that, according to Mike Mussina (I think it was Mike Mussina...could've been Jason Giambi...the book is way over in the other room and I don't feel like moving my laptop, taking off my groovy Twins blanket, and closing the recliner just to walk over there to get it and flip through all those pages to find it...but ANYHOO...), some Yankees players nicknamed the Disabled List "the Pavano." Yeah, the same Carl Pavano who started for the Indians on Saturday. And after watching that little hissy fit he threw in the dugout after he was taken out of the game on Saturday, I can see why.
• Did you know there was such a thing as a catcher's balk? I didn't until Monday when I heard about it on the radio. The talk-show hosts were saying that during an intentional walk, you see the catcher stand way out of the catcher's box to accept the pitch, but that's a balk. The catcher is supposed to remain in the catcher's box until the ball leaves the pitcher's hand. And they were complaining that it never gets called. It's under rule 4.03 (a). Here's a link.
• This blurb in the today's paper almost made me spew my morning coffee out of laughter:

Gardenhire read a blurb in USA Today that noted a difference of opinion about Scott Baker's struggles.

"I gave him an out," Gardenhire said, clearly amused. "I said it was a mechanical thing, and [Baker] says it's not mechanics. Then the only thing I can say is, 'You just stink.'"

Gardenhire said that's something he learned from Lou Piniella. If a player disagrees with a manager's theory on why he's struggling, "then he stinks."

"You give them an out," Gardenhire said, "they change it up, then OK, he stinks right now. Not all the time. But right now he does. And he needs to un-stink."

Don't we all Gardy, don't we all.

~~~~~~~~

One More Thing to Share:

Remember a while ago when I was bummed about writer's block and I asked Ms. Muse to pay me a visit? Well she did!

Actually, Ms. Muse is a cool blog by Tina that features some great photography. She also has a personal style blog called The English Muse.

Thanks Tina for stumbling upon my blog. And the next time I need some inspiration, I'll stop by -- or even more often than that.

2009 NL Cool Name Roster

As promised, here is the NL version of my Cool Name Roster. One thing I learned is that I like more NL players' names than AL players' names. Maybe it's because I hear the AL names all the time, so I'm more used to them. Or maybe it's because the NL attracts more players with cool names. Who knows?

Let's review the rules:

• This roster is based solely on the coolness of the player's name. Actual baseball ability, attractiveness, personality, or personal-hygiene have nothing to do with it.


• The player was listed on his team's active roster at the listed position (on mlb.com) as of whenever it was I looked it up (a couple days ago). The player doesn't have to be a starter for that position.


• Fun to say trumps fun to spell. Extra consideration if it's fun to say while you're pretending to be a ballpark PA announcer.


• If a certain position's choice seems to be lame, it's because that's as good as it gets (it was kind of hard to find a cool name for a couple of positions).

So here is the NL Cool Name Roster

C - Yorvit Torrealba (COL)
1B - Micah Hoffpauir (CHC)
2B - Alfredo Amezaga (FLA)
3B - Emilio Bonifacio (FLA)
SS - Troy Tulowitzki (COL)
LF - Jeremy Hermida (FLA)
CF - Kosuke Fukudome (CHC)
RF - Hunter Pence (HOU)
SP - Jair Jurrjens (ATL)
RP (up to 5) - Kiko Calero (FLA), Carlos Villanueva (MIL), Scott Schoeneweis (ARI), Yusmeiro Petit (ARI)
CL - Francisco Cordero (CIN)

Notable Mention: 3D Kevin Kouzmanoff (SD) [just because it's cool to say Kooooooooooooouzmanoff]

Short Series Makes for a Long Day

Sorry, I'm kinda tired, so I'm gonna keep this short. Why do I bother? As much as I'd like to forget this series even happened, I should take the good with the bad -- I do want to keep track.

Recap:
Wednesday Game 1: Twins 1 - Red Sox 10 (7)
Wednesday Game 2: Twins 3 - Red Sox 7
Twins earn the dustbunny.

Huh. A whole series in one day...a really long day.

And one more thing...I'm into Earth Day and recycling as much as the next girl, but seriously, do the Red Sox really have to recycle their stupid green St. Patrick's Day Spring Training jerseys to celebrate it? I know they're St. Patty's day jerseys; the shamrocks are still on the left sleeves.

2009 AL Cool Name Roster

It's that time of year again...the first couple of off-days of the season, I compile my roster of Major Leaguers with the names I think are the coolest. This year's version is slightly different than last year's -- guys switch leagues, rookies are called up, and I change my mind.

Let's review the rules:

• This roster is based solely on the coolness of the player's name. Actual baseball ability, attractiveness, personality, or personal-hygiene have nothing to do with it.


• The player was listed on his team's active roster at the listed position (on mlb.com) as of whenever it was I looked it up (a couple days ago). The player doesn't have to be a starter for that position.


• Fun to say trumps fun to spell. Extra consideration if it's fun to say while you're pretending to be a ballpark PA announcer.


• If a certain position's choice seems to be lame, it's because that's as good as it gets (it was kind of hard to find a cool name for a couple of positions).

So here is the AL Cool Name Roster

C - Jarrod Saltalamacchia (TEX) [I was mad last year because he was stuck in the minors at the beginning of the season and couldn't make the list. He gets extra double consideration because his name is fun to say AND fun to spell]
1B - Wilson Betemit (CWS)
2B - Marco Scutaro (TOR)
3B - Matt Tuiasosopo (SEA)
SS - Mike Aviles (KC)
LF - Rocco Baldelli (BOS)
CF - Coco Crisp (KC)
RF - Shin-Soo Choo (CLE)

DH - Ty Wigginton (BAL)

SP - Armando Galarraga (DET) [gotta roll the Rs -- Arrrrrmando Galarrrrrrrraga]
RP (up to 5) - Jonathan Albaladejo (NYY), Ron Mahay (KC), Chris Jakubauskas (SEA)
CL - Joakim Soria (KC)

Notable Mention: P Josh Outman (OAK) [a pitcher named Outman -- Out-man -- har har]

These are my favorites; what are yours?

I'll do the NL Roster next off-day

When Baseball And Bad Spelling Collide -- Special Edition

Sewing names on jerseys must be a difficult job, I mean with all those letters and all. And we've seen it before when the name on the front of a guy's jersey isn't spelled right -- remember last season when Adam "Adam" Everett had to do a last minute switch because "Minnesota" was spelled wrong on his jersey?

But it's pretty bad when multiple players have a big old spelling error across their chests for everyone to see.



And it happened to the poor Nationals too. Don't they have enough problems?

Hat tips:
http://www.totalprosports.com/blog/index.php/2009/04/the-washington-natinals-jersey-fail/ for the photo

http://redpeninc.blogspot.com/2009/04/misspelling-monday-for-april-20-2009.html for being the first to tell me about it

First Sweep of 2009

Well, that's better. A lot better.

Recap:
Friday: Twins 11 - LAA 9
Saturday: Twins 9 - LAA 2
Sunday: Twins 3 - LAA 1

You know what that means, don't you? That's right, the Twins swept the Angels. And because it's the first sweep of the year, it's time I dusted off my super blinged-out broom to celebrate. (That is, if one really can dust off a broom.)



Very exciting. Only special sweeps get the blinged-out broom; I'm hoping for many more reasons to use this.

Excuse Me Bartender, I'd Like To Buy A Beer For...

Jason Kubel

Dude,
How much fun was THAT? A cycle? Really? And a timely grand-slam? You don't see that every day. So, please, have a beer on me. I mean really...thanks for hitting the ball like you mean it (you knocked the snot out of it on that homer). Thanks for helping the team rally and win the game. It was a blast.

Oh, and I'm so glad I dumped Gary Sheffield and picked you up for my fantasy baseball team. You got me 151 points! Oh yeah!

You. Da. Man!

Let's Build Some Walls

Ok, well that pretty much sucked.

Recap:
Monday: Twins 6 - Blue Jays 8
Tuesday: Twins 3 - Blue Jays 2 (11)
Wednesday: Twins 2 - Blue Jays 12 CRIPES!!!
Thursday: Twins...oh, who the hell cares; we have a smallish score, they have a largish one

We need to do something. Now. IT. MUST. END. NOW.

Back when I was in high-school, I was in a bowling league. And since it was in the olden days, back before those fancy-schmancy electronic, high-tech, 3D animated, does-everything-except-bowl-for-you scoreboards, we had a transparent score sheet that we slapped onto a projector that displayed on the wall for everyone to see and we actually wrote our scores down. And this was beneficial because if we would get to the point when we just couldn't stand sucking anymore, we would simply draw a thick line at the end of a frame. This was called drawing a wall. And the theory was that all the suck would stay behind the wall and everything going forward would be much better. (It didn't really work for me because my suck pretty much has the properties of Velcro® -- story of my life, but I digress.)

So, in that spirit, I propose we draw some walls. First of all, the players will need some so they can see what exactly needs to happen. I've drawn two -- one for the pitchers and one for the batters (we don't want them to get confused).






That should do it. The guys should just keep in mind that everything will be ok because all the suck is behind the wall.

The fans can help too. Get out your pocket schedules, or Metrodome Memories calendars (the ones with the schedule), or whatever it is you use to know when the Twins play, and mark a nice thick line after April 16. Heck, it might even work on a regular calendar. If we all draw walls, the better the chance the suck will be behind us. Let's all do our parts.

[EDIT]
Check it out...this is how I fixed up my Metrodome Memories calendar/schedule once I got to work:

How Many of Our Twins?

As I'm watching the game, I'm having some fun with HowManyOfMe.com. There are 171 of me (i.e. people with the same name as mine), but when I put in my maiden name, there is only one. I guess I was way more unique before I got married.

I entered our boys' names in, and here are the results:

Luis Ayala - 67
Timothy Baker (Scott's real first name) - 1,678
Robert Blackburn (Nick's real first name) - 772
Craig Breslow - 1
Brian Buscher - 7
Alexi Casilla - 1 or fewer
Jesse Crain - 23
Joseph Crede - 2 or fewer
Michael Cuddyer - 4 or fewer
Robert Dickey (R.A.'s name) - 482
Brian Duensing - 2
Carlos Gomez - 264
Matthew Guerrier - 8
Brendan Harris - 80
Philip Humber - 1
Jason Kubel - 1 or fewer
Francisco Liriano - 2
Joseph Mauer - 19
Jose Morales - 632
Justin Morneau - 3
Joseph Nathan - 57
Glen Perkins - 83
Nicholas Punto - 1 or fewer
Kevin Slowey - 2
Keiunta Span (Denard's real first name) - 1 or fewer
Delmon Young - 3 or fewer


And with that, it's the only fun I'm having at the current moment as I watch Ayala cough up the lead and our batters having a strand-guys-on-third contest. bleh.

Catching Up on My E-mails

After spending Easter with my family, I decided to catch up on my e-mails. Since it was a busy holiday weekend, I'll have to back-date some of them.

~~~~

Date: Friday, April 10, 2009
To: RADickey@mntwins.com
From: kbro@kbrobaseball.com
Subj: Sox (and Socks)

R.A.,
Admirable work, especially in that wind. It was a little un-pretty at times, but you wiggled yourself out of some jams. I hope you can stay on the team when Scotty gets back.

Oh, I love the high socks.

~~~~

Date: Friday, April 10, 2009
To: JMorales@mntwins.com
From: kbro@kbrobaseball.com
Subj: Catching the Knuckleballer

Jose,
Nice work. You did way better than I thought you would. Next time I see you, remind me to give you a pat on the back.

~~~~

Date: Friday, April 10, 2009
To: JCrede@mntwins.com
From: kbro@kbrobaseball.com
Subj: Your Homerun

Joe,
Thanks for remembering which team you play for now.

~~~~

Date: Friday, April 10, 2009
To: PABooth@uscellularfield.com
From: kbro@kbrobaseball.com
Subj: Joe Crede's "Walk Up" Music

Air Supply and Patrick Swayze? That was pretty funny.

~~~~

Date: Friday, April 10, 2009
To: ACasilla@mntwins.com; MCuddyer@mntwins.com; CGomez@mntwins.com
From: kbro@kbrobaseball.com
Subj: Your Cute Turtle Neck Hoody UnderArmour Things

Adorable! I'm sorry you were so cold, but you did look pretty cute.

~~~~

Date: Friday, April 10, 2009
To: batters@mntwins.com
From: kbro@kbrobaseball.com
Subj: Lots of Runs

I love lots of runs. I think all baseball fans love lots of runs from their home boys. But I fear you may have used them all up for the weekend. I worry that you may need them for Saturday and Sunday. I wish there were such a thing as a "Run Bank."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Date: Saturday, April 11, 2009
To: FLiriano@mntwins.com
From: kbro@kbrobaseball.com
Subj: Strike Zone

Franchise,
Dude! Walking in two runs in an inning is not a good thing. Everyone would prefer it if you pitched for strikes instead of pitching for power. Please work on that.

~~~~

Date: Saturday, April 11, 2009
To: BColon@chiwhitesox.com
From: kbro@kbrobaseball.com
Subj: Your Pitching Performance

Bartolo,
You looked great. But I'm afraid that had little to do with you. It seems that the Twins batters simply made you look good. Don't get used to it; it won't happen again.

~~~~

Date: Saturday, April 11, 2009
To: batters@mntwins.com
From: kbro@kbrobaseball.com
Subj: Runs

Guys,
Remember what I said yesterday about banking runs? Today would have been a good time to use some of them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Side note: I was not allowed to watch the Twins game on Sunday. I was told "There are 150-something Twins games left this season; there's only one Masters." Fair enough.

Date: Sunday, April 12, 2009
To: PMickelson@masters.com
From: kbro@kbrobaseball.com
Subj: Your Putting

Phil,
I really wish you were better at putting. I do enjoy watching golf from time to time, but I can't say that I'm really a fan of yours. However, none of that really matters. What matters is that I had an exhausting weekend, and I was taking a little snooze on the couch while the whole fam was watching the Masters. I don't get many chances to snooze, so when I do, it's precious. So, I was snoozing, and the family was watching, and you were golfing, and then you missed that stupid putt by this >-< much. Now, normally that wouldn't bother me. Except the entire family let out a collective OOHHH really loud, thereby waking me up and scaring the crap out of me. If you would've made that putt, everyone probaly would've nodded or muttered gently, which would've allowed me to sleep. Try to be more considerate next time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Recap:
Friday: Twins 12 - Evil Ugly White Sox 5
Saturday: Twins 0 - EUWS 8
Sunday: Twins 1 - EUWS 6

And Then She Wakes Up

She walks down the long hallway, looking for the room where she's supposed to be -- Room 820B. She's never been to this building before; it's weird, it's hallways are really long and the room numbers don't seem to be in any order. She approaches every door hoping that the doorplaque will reveal the correct room, but each time is a disappointment. She keeps walking faster, trying to figure out these odd room numbers 16L, 129AC, 512, PS7... and she keeps hoping the next one will be right. She's beginning to get hot and nervous from walking so far and fast, and she feels the beginning of a lump in her throat forming. No! She can't worry. It'll be ok. She just has to find this room. She must be getting closer, she must, but with each door, she loses hope. She looks upward, as if to say a little prayer. "Please," she mutters under her breath. The hallway is so long, and she is so tired and she just wants to get there; she just wants everything to be alright. She just wants to end the futility. She keeps going, keeps hoping, but she can't shake the feeling that she'll get nowhere.

She sits up in bed and looks around. Was it a dream again?

And that's what it felt like listening to the Twins game today.

Monday: Seattle 6 - Twins 1
Tuesday: Seattle 5 - Twins 6 (a gold-star, dramatic, come-from-behind win)
Wednesday: Seattle 5 - Twins 6
Thursday: Seattle 2 - Twins 0
Split series

~~~~~~~~~~~

On a Serious Note:

If you follow baseball or watch the news, you've probably heard that Angels rookie pitcher Nick Adenhart and two others perished in a hit-and-run auto crash early this morning. He was 22. I was very sad to hear this news; it's tragic when such young and vibrant people lose their lives needlessly.

My condolences to the families and friends of the victims and to the Angels team and its fans.

Is This Gonna Be Great or What?

Ok, so I'm sitting here, and first pitch is just about to happen. I'm so excited, I just agreed to allow my son to get a tattoo of the Twins logo if they win the World Series. And I promise that I'll follow through with it, too.

So I think it'll be a good year. It'll certainly be an interesting division race. None of the so-called experts can agree with their predictions on how the teams will end up. I've heard predictions that the Twins will be anywhere from first to fourth. I've also heard predictions that any of the five teams (even the Royals) will win the division. I know what I predict....

Oh, and Morneau was soo safe!

It'll also be interesting to see if Joe Crede turns out to be the "missing piece" everyone says he is. I'll give him a month or so before I bestow him with any nicknames or anything.

Crappola, the Mariners scored. Ok Franchise, settle down.

Oh, and Happy Birthday Bert! Let's hope you get what you want -- it's what all of Twins Territory wants -- a Twins win.

I'm excited because I've already got one baseball road trip planned. I hold in my hands...tickets to see the Cardinals host the Twins (ok, I don't literally have them in my hands -- it would be awfully hard to type if did -- but I do have them in my possession). I'm really looking forward to that. I've been to St. Louis before, and I like it.

Oh come on Cuddy! Why did you take that pitch?

I'm also excited because I have tickets for the final regular season game in the Dome. I stress regular season because there is always the chance for playoff games, and I don't have tickets for those yet.

AAAARRRGGGHHHH! I guess Griffey's still got it. Rats!

No no no no no no no no no .... Red-Dog... please be ok ... please be ok ... please be ok. Whew, it looks like he's all right. And, with that, all is right wil the world. It seems that it's mandated somewhere in Baseball Olympus that Redmond must get beat up when he plays. Man he's tough, but if Joey doesn't get back soon, there isn't going to be anything left of him.

Crap, crap, crap. Torii would've caught that. Ok boys, now it's time to put some runs on the board.

So apparently, the Twins batters have taken Jim Souhan's Sunday article to heart. Jim said that games are too slow because batters work the count. But this swinging at the first pitch and grounding out isn't doing anybody any good either. So, guys, take a pitch, work the count; let's get into their bullpen, shall we?

*sigh* Well this turned out way uglier than I would've liked. I mean, seriously, getting beat by the lowly Mariners?

Oh well. The beauty of Opening Day is that I can delude myself into believing that it's only one game and it'll still be a great season. It is great to have baseball back.

Book Review: "Spirits in the Grass"

I know what you're thinking: Another book review? Already? Didn't you just do one? Well, yeah, but I wanted to get this one finished before the baseball season started (very, very soon...yay!). Because once there are baseball games to watch, there's very little time for reading. So, here we go....

Blogger's Note: The author of this book was my Creative Writing professor at St. Cloud State back in the '80s (wow, that long ago?). I haven't had any contact with him since I graduated, and I doubt he would even remember me, so I'm confident I can offer an unbiased opinion on his book. Although it is a little weird to critique work of someone who taught me, but I can get over it.


Bill Meissner. Spirits in the Grass. Notre Dame, Indiana: University of Notre Dame Press, 2008, 288 pp., $25.00


I was interested in this novel because, well, it had a baseball player on the cover. It's about a small-town Wisconsin man who dreams of building a baseball field and resurrecting his baseball playing career, while struggling to understand and appreciate his past and future. The story uses themes of small-town life, Native American history, and baseball to explore the characters and their lives.

This is a good story, excellently told. The main characters are well-developed and interesting, and the events are described brilliantly. He paints fascinating scenes with rich details, and I was moved by the characters' struggles and triumphs.

I would say that it would make a nice made-for-television movie, but I don't want to make it seem that the story is shallow -- it's not. The ending is a bit predictable, but for this book, that's ok. For the most part, the characters are interesting and complex. However, the ancillary characters and the descriptions of some of the small-town landmarks are a little stereotyped.

There was one inconsistency that I should have been able to overlook, but for some reason, it distracted me. The beginning of the story takes place in late March, and the main character is preparing the empty field to lay sod. Isn't the ground still too cold to lay sod in Wisconsin in March? I know it's minor -- I should suspend my disbelief. It's not all that material to the story, but it bothered me. Also, another eensy little thing bothered me -- one of the characters had a dog named Dutchess. Now I know that a man can name his dog anything he wants to, but it's usually spelled Duchess*.

Aside from those small gripes, I thought it was a good book -- easy to get into and easy to keep reading. I recommend it. I'll give it an A-.

* Yeah, Fergie the singer spelled it wrong on her album, but she did it on purpose -- I suppose so she could remind people of, but also be different from, Fergie the duchess.

What the Hell Did I Do?

So, during my lunch hour, I sit down after warming up my Lean Cuisine frozen meal (or was it a Healthy Choice? -- I can't remember; it wasn't that good) and log on to Twitter and see this:

MN_Twins Scott Baker on disabled list; Liriano to start opener http://tinyurl.com/d4b5bl

"What?!?! Noooooo," I say out loud to no one in particular. I click on the link and see this:

There is word R.A. Dickey likely will start Friday in Chicago.

Oh. So that's it. It's my fault. I stated multiple times that I wanted R.A. to break camp with the team, and this is what happens. I forget, I need to be very, very clear when I wish for baseball-related stuff. In fact, I need to be precise.

So, precisely speaking, here's what I want:

• I want Scott Baker, Twins RHP, and Joe Mauer, Twins C, to be healthy and playing baseball by no later than April 15, 2009. (If there are other men on the planet named Scott Baker or Joe Mauer, I want them to be healthy, and if they want to play baseball, that's ok too.)
• I want Boof Bonser, Twins RHP, and Pat Neshek, RHP, to be healthy and playing baseball by no later than Opening Day 2010.
• I want Justin Morneau, Delmon Young, Michael Cuddyer, Nick Punto and any other Twins player who has aches and pains to stop having any aches and pains for the entire 2009 season.
  
• In fact, I want everyone on the Twins 40-man roster, the Twins minor-league system, the Twins organization, and the fandom known as "Twins Territory" to be completely free from injuries, illness, pain, owies, anxiety, nervousness, bad moods, or any other unpleasantness until no sooner than the final game of the World Series.
• I want any other negative thing that I haven't thought of to never happen to any Twins player ever.

There. That should cover it.

~~~~~~~~~~

I have the TV on MLB network, and they just asked, Who has the most wild pitches in a single inning?

And then they showed our pal R.A., when he was with the Mariners, here at the Dome, throwing four out-of-control knuckleballs. Remind me again why I want him pitching in the Dome again...

Actually, I'm completely convinced that it was all his catcher's fault. Our catchers would never allow such chaos.

~~~~~~~~~~

When Bad Grammar/Misspellings and Baseball Collide:
From my favorite source, FoxSports Rumors page. This one is great because it made me laugh at two different things.

First of all, this is proof-positive that White Sox players are really Bitch Sox. Apparently, they'll complain about anything.

Secondly,...



Um, yeah. He may drink wine while he does it, but I'm pretty certain that he whines.

Keeper Baseball Cliches

Normally I hate cliches. I threw a dirty look at a coworker who said "in the loop." I rolled my eyes at a CEO who praised someone for "pushing the envelope." I have chided my children when they claim to "think outside the box." I have complained about a talk-radio host who couldn't stop repeating "at the end of the day." I feel so strongly about it, I have another blog.

Baseball cliches are a different story. Now, I don't really like the baseball cliches that have "crossed-over" to everyday language (e.g. "he stepped up to the plate"). But the cliches that are strictly about baseball...well, those are special. I love those cliches. I know exactly what's going on when someone "paints the corner" or "hits a grand salami" (although I will never like "that's a good piece of hitting" because it's such a stupid phrase).

But a good baseball cliche is only as good as who's saying it and who he's saying it about. So I made a list of phrases I want our favorite broadcasters (Dick-n-Bert and John-n-Dazzle-n-Blackjack) to say so often, they become cliches.

• Runner goes...throw down to second...SAFE!...Gomez steals another base.
• A swing and a miss...Slowey gets him on a breaking ball.
• Hit toward the hole...Oh!...Punto dives for it...throws to second...on to first...in time, double play!
• Nathan pulled the string on that one got him with a sweeping curve...buckled the batter with that breaking ball. [EDIT: Mr. or Ms. Anonymous informed me that "pulled the string" refers to a changeup. I don't think Nathan has a changeup, or if he does, I like his curveball better. So I changed it. Learn something new every day.]
• Hit well...it's going...it's gone...touch 'em all, Justin Morneau!
• Inning over...Perkins sits them down in order.
• He squares to bunt...it's a good one...pitcher fields it...throws to first...SAFE at first! Casilla gets another bunt hit.
• Good morning, good afternoon, good night...Liriano strikes him out on three pitches.
• He gives it a ride...base hit...Mauer goes 4 for 4
• There'll be a play at the plate...throw from right...Redmond reaches...OUT!...Cuddyer throws him out at home.
• It splits the gap...one run in...another run in...Young has another 2-run double.
• Strike-out number 10...Baker has another outing with double-digit strike-outs.
• He's tracking...back...back...he leaps up...CAUGHT!...oh my!...Denard Span makes a fantastic leaping catch.
• Strike three called...Guerrier gets him with the curve.
• Down the line...Crede ranges...throws from his knees...OUT!
• Another gem...Blackburn has a shut-out.
• This one's got a chance...it's up...HOMERUN!...Jason Kubel hits another one.
• Slow roller to second...inning over...Crain get out of a small jam.
• Twins add on another insurance run.
• Twins win.
• Twins add to their winning streak.