Monday, March 24, 2008

Twins Fan Seeks Baseball Boyfriend -- Part II

It's been a month now since I started evaluating my options for a new Baseball Boyfriend (BB). After much thought and consideration, I've narrowed the field of candidates. Five promising prospects survived the first cut.

Ooh, this is going to be fun. I feel a little like Annie Savoy - except without all the cool clothes*.

I've listed them in alphabetical order:

Cuddyer, Michael:

Nickname: Cuddy, Cuddy-honey

Pluses: This man is downright good-looking; gorgeous, even. The dimples, the gentle Southern accent, the quiet confidence are all very attractive qualities. Plus, the whole "don't-even-think-about-taking-an-extra-base-because-I'll-throw-your-ass-out" thing he has going on - very sexy. Plus, I already have the shirt**.

Minus: Ok, this is going to be totally irrational, but I have a real problem with the magician thing. And it's not a "gee honey, I wish you wouldn't do that" problem. It's a "if you do that, I'll have to leave the room and cower in the corner" problem. Such is the nature of phobias I guess.

Gardenhire, Ron:

Nickname: Gardy (nope, I don't have anything more original than that)

Pluses: You gotta love a man in charge. He has fun nicknames for everyone (Mike Lamb = Lammers, Carlos Gomez = Go Go). He has the cutest clich├ęs ("battled his tail off"). And he looks a little like a garden gnome - the friendly, adorable kind, not the creepy kind.

Minus: Like managers in every profession, he doesn't really do anything; he delegates. You won't see him hitting triples, turning double plays, or striking out batters with a nice curveball. He just tells other people to.

Nathan, Joe:

Nickname: Nathanator

Pluses: The best closer ever. And he has a great smile. And the fact that he not only says he wants to be a Twin for a while, he actually proves it by signing a contract that is likely less than what he could have made if he waited to be a free agent.

Minus: One inning, at the end of the game, every once in awhile - I need more commitment than that. And while the twitching is adorable at first, it bothers me after a while.

Punto, Nick:

Nickname: LNP, Little Nicky

Pluses: He is absolutely adorable. He's just got that something. I can't name it. I love the hustle. I really love the defense. I love the sliding headfirst into first.

Minus: Let's be honest: if that batting average doesn't improve this year, he seriously jeopardizes his amount of playing time. Besides, so many guy Twins fans, and radio sports-talk show hosts, seem to throw so much hate at him, I fear I'll grow weary defending him.

Redmond, Mike:

Nickname: Red, Red-Dog

Pluses: This guy seems like he would be fun to go out and have a beer with. I think he would tell great stories. It's clear he loves this game and he loves this team. He's always on the top step of the dugout, cheering for his teammates. And I love his toughness.

Minus: That toughness makes me worry too much. Seriously, how many foul balls can a man take off his head/hands/other before he just breaks? Why does he always get nicked, banged, stung, bruised, battered, knocked, etc.? It's just hard to watch.

*In a serendipitous twist of fate, as I was typing this, I flipped the channels and found Bull Durham airing on AMC.

**The story of the "Cuddy is my boyfriend" shirt: It was 2005, before the Twins were out of it, so the games still mattered. And Bat-Girl was still in the blogging business. It was late in the game; the Twins were down by a run with two runners on. When Cuddy stepped to the plate, I told him, through the TV, "Cuddy honey, if you do something special, I'll buy your shirt." And because he can hear me when I talk through the TV, he smacked a double halfway up the baggie. And because I keep my promises, I bought the shirt, even though Brad Radke was my real boyfriend at the time.

1 comment:

Twins Sisters said...

Any final decision yet? I can't help you decide...they're all worthwhile candidates.