And the Winner Is...

Announcing k-bro's Boyfriend from this day forward:









Ready...













Aim...












And k-bro's Boyfriend-Off-The-Bench (I was gonna say "Vice Boyfriend", but that's kind of creepy)...







Long shall they reign.

Miscellany Medley

I really like the Twins new commercial with Delmon Young. It's my favorite so far. Their ad agency is very clever. However, I have the tiniest of problems. I don't mean to be a clod, but can someone please tell me what Tony Oliva is saying? I've rewound it about 25 times, and I still can't figure it out. I get the gist - "See ball. Hit ball. Something something something big stick" (or is it big steak?). I feel like I'd appreciate it even more if I knew more than the gist and actually knew the words.

Will someone please FedEx an industrial-sized case of Lysol to Fort Meyers and commission a HAZMAT team to clean that clubhouse? First, Rick Anderson had the flu. Then Scottie Baker, who's still fighting it, came down with it - and I mean "down"; he's lost 12 pounds. Now Adam Everett is feeling crappy. Put a stop to it now.

GoGo tweaked his hammy in today's game, but he should be fine according to Joe C. He goes on to say:

Gomez had cramping in his left hamstring, nothing more, and practically begged Gardenhire to make Thursday's trip to Sarasota, Fla. Gardenhire agreed but told Gomez he'd be furious is something more serious happens to his leg.

Heh. Gardy furious, huh? Well, I can't imagine that ever happening.

So, I suppose I need to go out and buy Livan some soccer shoes. Apparently he kicked a bunted ball in the air to Morneau for the out. Howard recaps it nicely. I heard it on the radio, and I thought John Gordon was going to flip. I really hope I can see video of it sometime.

(Click pic to enlarge) I am really looking forward to Opening Day. But I have a glimmer of melancholy that Spring Training will soon be over. Mainly because most of the games take place during the day, and listening to them has been the highlight of my workday. Once the season starts, I'll have to resort to streaming JACK-FM again. Which, by the way, is beginning to wear on me - I'm about ready to go find that annoying disembodied-voice dude and push him down.

Twins Fan Seeks Baseball Boyfriend -- Part II

It's been a month now since I started evaluating my options for a new Baseball Boyfriend (BB). After much thought and consideration, I've narrowed the field of candidates. Five promising prospects survived the first cut.

Ooh, this is going to be fun. I feel a little like Annie Savoy - except without all the cool clothes*.

I've listed them in alphabetical order:

Cuddyer, Michael:

Nickname: Cuddy, Cuddy-honey

Pluses: This man is downright good-looking; gorgeous, even. The dimples, the gentle Southern accent, the quiet confidence are all very attractive qualities. Plus, the whole "don't-even-think-about-taking-an-extra-base-because-I'll-throw-your-ass-out" thing he has going on - very sexy. Plus, I already have the shirt**.

Minus: Ok, this is going to be totally irrational, but I have a real problem with the magician thing. And it's not a "gee honey, I wish you wouldn't do that" problem. It's a "if you do that, I'll have to leave the room and cower in the corner" problem. Such is the nature of phobias I guess.

Gardenhire, Ron:

Nickname: Gardy (nope, I don't have anything more original than that)

Pluses: You gotta love a man in charge. He has fun nicknames for everyone (Mike Lamb = Lammers, Carlos Gomez = Go Go). He has the cutest clichés ("battled his tail off"). And he looks a little like a garden gnome - the friendly, adorable kind, not the creepy kind.

Minus: Like managers in every profession, he doesn't really do anything; he delegates. You won't see him hitting triples, turning double plays, or striking out batters with a nice curveball. He just tells other people to.

Nathan, Joe:

Nickname: Nathanator

Pluses: The best closer ever. And he has a great smile. And the fact that he not only says he wants to be a Twin for a while, he actually proves it by signing a contract that is likely less than what he could have made if he waited to be a free agent.

Minus: One inning, at the end of the game, every once in awhile - I need more commitment than that. And while the twitching is adorable at first, it bothers me after a while.

Punto, Nick:

Nickname: LNP, Little Nicky

Pluses: He is absolutely adorable. He's just got that something. I can't name it. I love the hustle. I really love the defense. I love the sliding headfirst into first.

Minus: Let's be honest: if that batting average doesn't improve this year, he seriously jeopardizes his amount of playing time. Besides, so many guy Twins fans, and radio sports-talk show hosts, seem to throw so much hate at him, I fear I'll grow weary defending him.

Redmond, Mike:

Nickname: Red, Red-Dog

Pluses: This guy seems like he would be fun to go out and have a beer with. I think he would tell great stories. It's clear he loves this game and he loves this team. He's always on the top step of the dugout, cheering for his teammates. And I love his toughness.

Minus: That toughness makes me worry too much. Seriously, how many foul balls can a man take off his head/hands/other before he just breaks? Why does he always get nicked, banged, stung, bruised, battered, knocked, etc.? It's just hard to watch.

*In a serendipitous twist of fate, as I was typing this, I flipped the channels and found Bull Durham airing on AMC.

**The story of the "Cuddy is my boyfriend" shirt: It was 2005, before the Twins were out of it, so the games still mattered. And Bat-Girl was still in the blogging business. It was late in the game; the Twins were down by a run with two runners on. When Cuddy stepped to the plate, I told him, through the TV, "Cuddy honey, if you do something special, I'll buy your shirt." And because he can hear me when I talk through the TV, he smacked a double halfway up the baggie. And because I keep my promises, I bought the shirt, even though Brad Radke was my real boyfriend at the time.

Monday Tidbits

• Livan Hernandez didn’t look good yesterday, and Francisco Liriano struggled again today. I was really hoping they’d have strong outings, if for no other reason than to calm my worries about our starting rotation. But alas, the worrying continues. Guys, if you’re reading this (and even if you’re not), please get better. Fast. Thanks.


• I do not envy Gardy’s job of having to decide who will start in centerfield. It looks like it’s between Carlos Gomez and Denard Span, but Craig Monroe can’t be excluded either. While no one will be a rock star, all three have great things to offer. Personally, I like Go Go Gomez, because he’s just so darned fun to watch, with Monroe off the bench and filling in from time to time.


• Speaking of centerfield…. I was doing a crossword puzzle, and the word for “gate to a Japanese shrine” was “Torii”. I never knew that. When I looked it up on Wikipedia, I recognized the structure, but I didn’t know until then what it was called. I wish I knew that before, but I’m not sure why.


• Dear Bill Smith: I respectfully request that you re-sign Joe Nathan to a long-term contract. Very long term. Love, k-bro.

Flippin' My Flop

I combined two of my favorite things, baseball and shoes, and created these awesomely fun flip-flops.



I'm especially proud because I'm not really all that "crafty". But I think these turned out great.

I've typed up some instructions - click here: FlipFlops.pdf

The hardest part was finding the baseball beads. I found them here, but there are tons of other vendors selling them on ebay.

Now all I need is for the rest of the snow to melt. And a pedicure.

Poetic License?

If you haven't seen this yet, you've got to check it out! Startribune.com sent a video producer to Spring Training. And with haikus written by Howard's readers, the boys had a little fun.

My favorite is definitely Cuddy. He looks really comfortable in front of a camera reading a script. Hmmm...future in broadcasting maybe? (Duh) He's certainly handsome enough.

Cups, Veggies, and Puppets

Some thoughts about spring training so far...

• I guess the Twins and the Red Sox were serious about competing for the coveted Mayor's Cup. Both teams started what looked to be close approximations of their Opening Day lineups. They were tied 2-2 going into today's game. Unfortunately, the reigning World Champs will keep the Cup another year.


• Sounds like the Twins are thinking that their Opening Day starter shall be Livan, and a lot of folks beg to differ with the decision. Personally, I'm on the fence - kind of "meh". It's true he's not quite the Opening Day starter we had last year (what was his name? Jo...Joh...Johan something?). But he is a veteran, so he has the experience. And the best other option, Scott Baker, has an ouchie back. And besides, it's really only an honorary thing, and it's for only one game, after which the rest of the rotation will follow. If he can't handle facing other teams' aces, I'm sure Gardy will switch things around. I just wish we had a better veteran.


• All the media folks are running absolutely wild with the news that Pat Neshek decided to go vegan. I saw it on his website a few days ago, but coming from him, it didn't seem like that big of a deal. He made the change a couple months ago, and he says he feels healthier. He even admits that he'll probably eat meat again sometime. I think it's great that he's making changes; the important thing is that he's making thoughtful, conscious choices about his diet. However, it's no reason to get all crazy (startribune - seriously? Was it worth a note on the front page?) or cynical (Dan Barreiro - you think changing his diet is over-reacting?).

And now for something completely different...

Just for today, I'm stealing a page from Lipgloss & Baseball's M.O. and highlighting some cool music.

A very good friend of mine - one of the really good people in my life - is the lead singer, guitarist, and songwriter for The Julie Puppets. They have a new CD, Codes & Signals, and I really like their sound. Be sure to check them out at the Fine Line on Fri, March 21^st at 8 p.m.