Sunday, April 17, 2011

Twins at Rays: Baking Cookies

Thursday: Rays 4 - Twins 3
Friday: Rays 5 - Twins 2
Saturday: Rays 4 - Twins 3
Sunday: Rays 2 - Twins 4

Record: 5 - 10

A Story:

Some of the Twins players got together and decided to make cookies for everybody. They especially wanted to make some for Gardy because he had been feeling kind of grumpy lately, and every one knows that if Gardy ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

Carl Pavano offered to make them. He knew that Gardy was a fan of delicious Nutella, so he researched recipes on the internet and found a really good one for Nutella cookies*. He went to the store and bought the ingredients, got out the mixer, and got baking. He got one panful in the oven, and when he pulled them out, they were amazing. He got a second panful ready.

"I've got to leave now," Carl said suddenly. Jason Kubel asked him why, but he just replied "I gotta go," and he abruptly left.

"Great," Jason said, "now who's going to finish these cookies?"

Joe Nathan stepped into the kitchen and said "I'll do it. I'll finish them." And then Felipe Lopez, Ben Zobrist, and Matt Joyce mischievously scampered through the kitchen and knocked the pan out of Joe's hand and on to the floor, ruining the rest of the dough.

"It's ok," said Matt Capps. "There are just enough cookies to make Gardy happy until we can make more, right? I'll just take these to him." Matt then put all the cookies neatly on a platter and started to leave for Gardy's office.

And then, out of nowhere, Johnny Damon came in and stole all the cookies.

The next day, Nick Blackburn tried to make more cookies, but after he started off well, everything just started going wrong. He broke some egg shells into the dough, the flour poofed up into his face when he added it to the mixer, and he realized too late that he'd forgotten the baking soda. The whole group decided to screw it and try again the next day.

The following day, Scott Baker decided he'd give baking the Nutella cookies a shot. So he rolled up his sleeves and got to work. Everything went smoothly and it seemed like he'd be able to make several panfuls. After two panfuls were done, he realized he was too tired to finish.

Joe Nathan again offered to finish. Since Joe has a great history of finishing cookies, Baker was confident that it would be ok despite Joe's last attempt.

However, right as Joe was bending over to place the pan of cookie dough into the oven, Ben Zobrist ran into the kitchen and startled him so badly that the parchment paper slid right off the cookie sheet and landed dough side down right into the oven, again ruining the dough and making a huge mess in the oven. Joe was eventually able to clean up the mess, but when he wasn't looking, BJ Upton and Casey Kotchman came in and stole some of the cookies. Now, again, there weren't enough cookies for everyone.

Jose Mijares told everyone to stop worrying and that there were still enough cookies for Gardy. After Jose sampled some of the cookies, he shared a few with Sam Fuld. The guys started scolding him, so he placed the cookies neatly on a platter and started off for Gardy's office.

And then, out of nowhere, Johnny Damon came in and stole all the cookies.

On the final day before the guys had to leave town, they wanted so badly to make these amazing Nutella cookies. It was Brian Duensing's turn to try his hand at baking. He called all the guys in a group and explained to them that, while he is a capable cookie-maker, he really needed everyone to pull together and help as much as possible.

They did, all the cookies were made, and they were amazing. Gardy was pleased.


After blowing two saves over the weekend, Joe Nathan, together with Ron Gardenhire and Rick Anderson, decided it would be best for the team, and for Joe, to take him out of the closer role for a while. Matt Capps will close, and Joe will pitch in less stressful situations.

To accommodate this, the Twins are rearranging the bullpen. They have called up RHP Jim Hoey from AAA Rochester, presumably to be the 7th/8th inning set-up guy, and sent RHP Jeff Manship down.

I can't objectively talk about this move. Nathan's my guy, so I tend to think with my heart about him. Hopefully he can work out the kinks quickly and he can re-take his rightful role.


DL Report Updates:

Joe Mauer is still battling the flu. He's lost about 12 pounds since Thursday and he still doesn't have much of an appetite. It's still not clear if his leg weakness is related to the viral infection. The team is on its way to Baltimore where Joe's specialist practices, so he'll likely get checked out in a day or two. Then he'll need to work on getting stronger.

We're also watching Justin Morneau. He missed Sunday's game due to flu-like symptoms, but Kelsie Smith of the Pioneer Press reports that it's not the same thing Mauer's got.


Another clever Twins commercial. This time with Jim Thome.

*Yes, these Nutella cookies exist, and they are, indeed, amazing. Also, the part about the parchment paper slipping and flipping dough all over the inside of the oven is a true story, well, except for Ben Zobrist in the kitchen.


ScruffyRube said...

This is pure genius. I knew Johnny Damon was a jerk..but a cookie stealing jerk? The wroth of Minnesota will reign down upon him with great fury!

Anonymous said...

Stupid Johnny Damon!

Kirsten said...

Awesome. Color me impressed with your literary cleverness!

I was worried Joe and Justin had the same thing and that they'd be ordered to spend more time apart...that would be awfully hard on the bromance.