When Baseball and Bad Spelling Collide: Poster Edition

My teenage son is a typical boy who likes sports. His room is wallpapered in posters of athletes of all ilks. Consequently, he really enjoys his subscription to Sports Illustrated for Kids. He looks forward to getting it every month, especially since the center pages pull out to make a poster of an athlete. 

His very favorite baseball player is Albert Pujols (yeah, he's a Cardinals fan -- I have no idea where this comes from). So, this month's edition of the magazine was especially thrilling as the poster was of Sir Albert himself. He immediately hung it up.

When he showed it off to me, well, something stood out and practically hit me in the face...

I've already expressed my displeasure on spelling names wrong, right? Yeah, well double that. You'd think that Pujols has been around long enough -- he's certainly good enough -- to have his name spelled correctly on the sidebar. This is Sports Illustrated, fercryingoutloud!


Who knows? Maybe the layout designer thought he smelled funny and was using a texting shortcut to express that (get it? P.U.-lols).

Twins at Rays: Alternate Universe

Recap:
Monday -- Twins 2 -  Rays 4
Tuesday -- Twins 4 - Rays 6
Wednesday -- Twins 2 - Rays 1 (13)
Thursday -- Twins 8 - Rays 6

Record: 61-48, 1.5 games back

Earlier today, I listened to a podcast about quantum theory and parallel universes (totally over my head, by the way), but if you think about it, this series seems to have "anti-Twins" and "just odd" written all over it.

• Carl Pavano, who had been the go-to-guy to end a losing streak by pitching brilliantly, ended a winning streak by pitching dully. 
• Rays rookie pitcher Jeremy Hellickson pitched like a big-league Cy Young Award winner, then gots sent to AAA 17 minutes after his game.
• The Twins pitching staff, who coming into the series had given up the fewest walks in the MLB, gave up a crapload of walks.
• The Twins defense, which is usually pretty solid, looked like it was playing on quicksand.
• Scott Baker, who had been struggling, pitched crazy-amazingly.
• Kevin Slowey, who had been stalling on the mound and shaking off the catcher lately, pitched quickly, efficiently, and crazy-amazingly.
• The Twins bullpen, which had been great lately, blew leads in two games.
• The two games in which the Twins bullpen blew leads, the Twins won.
• The Twins were on the road, and they caught some breaks.
• Jon Rauch, an obviously-grown man, contracted a (usually) childhood virus (hand, foot, and mouth disease).
• The Twins, who had spent the last decade trying to get out of a domed stadium and had finally succeeded, saved the series split by the grace of the domed stadium ground rules.
• Jason Kubel, probably the shiest guy on the team, has totally earned the right to strut his stuff. Picture this: as the Twins fly to Cleveland, Kubes walking up and down the plane aisle, shaking his booty and singing "I'm a model you know what I mean, And I do my little turn on the catwalk, Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah, I do my little turn on the catwalk..."

Eight Games, Tough Love, and a Shiny New Closer

So I go on a little mini vacation to the North Shore of Lake Superior and a whole bunch of stuff happens while I'm gone. Thank goodness for my Blackberry so I could refresh Twitter every three minutes for trade updates and plug into mlb.com to listen to the games (turns out that the only baseball we could pick up on the radio when we were in Two Harbors was the Brewers...not that there's anything wrong with that).

Not the least of the commotion is this nifty little season-high eight-game winning streak. Nothin' wrong with that, I tell you what. Granted, those eight games were against the likes of the Orioles, the Royals, and the Mariners -- each cellar dwellers in their divisions. But the Twins needed to win those games; it's a good thing that they did. Tampa Bay coming up is going to be a challenge -- here's hoping the Twins built some momentum. Kind of like when riding a bicycle and you pedal hard on the downhill part so that you have don't have to pedal as hard on the upcoming uphill part (a technique I wish I had employed on vacation, which might have prevented that embarrassing near-fall and need to walk my bike up the rest of the hill...but I digress).

So, hi, Matt Capps. It was crazy: I was sitting around the campfire and then, between rounds of Twenty Questions (I almost won with "dixie cup"), I glanced at my phone to see that the Twins had traded hot-shot catching prospect Wilson Ramos and some guy named Joe Testa (man, I need to brush up on the minor-leaguers) for relief pitcher Matt Capps and some cash. I also saw the fans' reaction -- and, boy, did the fans react. Whew. I guess the general consensus is that while Capps is a serviceable pitcher, and he does address a need, perhaps giving away the top prospect might be overpaying just a tad. Ok, I understate -- some folks were downright livid.

I, on the other hand, am pretty content with the trade. Wilson Ramos, because he's the fourth man on a catcher depth chart led by some guy named Joe Mauer, isn't really helping the big club much. So, really, his only value for the Twins was what he could bring in a trade. There were rumors that he may have been a big piece in a possible trade to land Cliff Lee, but he suffered an oblique strain. Who knows if that's true (the possible trade part), or if it was really a factor (the oblique strain part), but the fact that Ramos has a history of injury can't be ignored -- he may not have been all that and a bag of chips once teams look at his medical records. I do wish him well with the Nationals.

It's true that the bullpen was a little thin. Blackburn was sent down, and, as much as it breaks my heart, it needed to happen. Waiting for long-relief opportunities wasn't helping him. And if he couldn't be trusted as a starter, he can't really be trusted as a reliever. Regular work in the minors will not only help him with his mechanics but also his confidence. I hate it that it had to come to this, but...tough love, I guess. So with Duensing taking Blackie's spot in the rotation, the bullpen was thin. It's good the Twins picked up someone who can help strengthen it.

I also appreciate that the Twins front office recognized that Jon Rauch isn't the closer they needed him to be. Nothing against Rauch; he did fine since he was named the closer at the beginning of the season, but he doesn't really have blow-'em-away stuff. And I think it started to show and opponents were beginning to figure him out. Many bloggers and other experts think the "save" is overvalued, and therefore this trade was unneeded. But, I tell you, in a close game in the ninth, I want to have all the faith in the world in the man on the mound -- I just didn't with Rauch.

That's not to say that I will have all the faith in the world in Matt Capps -- he'll have to earn that. He does have a history of falling apart. But, with Rauch, Guerrier, and Crain at the ready, I feel pretty good about the whole thing.

When Baseball and Bad Spelling Collide: Trade Edition

I've mentioned before that I love all things grammar, punctuation, and spelling almost as much as I love baseball. Thus, I have The Sentence Sleuth as part of my regular blog-reading regimen.

The proprietor of that wonderful blog, Bonnie Trenga, found this little gem:

The Sentence Sleuth: Picture That Goes with This Week's Poll

Hee hee! I wonder if poor Dan is feeling a little blue. Like this:

Be sure you stop by Bonnie's blog and vote on the poll she posted. And if you like quick grammar tips as much as I do, be sure to visit her blog regulaly.

Twins at Orioles: Love Letters

Recap:
Thursday: Twins 5 - Orioles 0
Friday: Twins 2 - Orioles 3
Saturday: Twins 7 - Orioles 2
Sunday: Twins 10 - Orioles 4

Record: 53-46 1 game back

That was a nice series. Even the one loss didn't feel demoralizing -- it was more a matter of Jeremy Guthrie and Luke Scott having a good day than any of the Twins having a bad one.

Usually I don't like to pin my mood on the results of my team -- I do have a life after all -- but this series was so nice, it improved my already content state of mind. So nice, in fact, I'm compelled to to write a few short love letters.

Dear Carl Pavano: I love complete games. I love complete game shut-outs. You're pitching so excellently that you're beginning to remind me a little of my beloved, Brad Radke. Please keep up this level of excellence. 

Dear Ty Wigginton, Juan Samuel, Idiot Fan Running on the Field, and Orioles Security Staff: Thanks for the laughs. No, really. Your performances gave me a good chuckle.

Dear Brian Duensing: Nice work. Really. You did exactly what you were asked to do. You kept the team in the game, and you looked pretty smooth. Keep it up kid; you may have earned a permanent spot in the rotation.

Dear Joe Mauer: Hi. That homerun you hit was really pretty. You know it was. Do that again. A lot. Please.

Dear Anthony Slama: Welcome to the big leagues, kid. Tough break giving up that homer to Luke Scott. If it's any consolation, it's not really an awful thing to give up a dinger to him -- he's a good hitter. Just ask Scott Baker. Oh, and keep rocking those stirrups.

Dear O-Dog: Get well soon. Again. 

Dear Scott Baker: Hugs. That pitching performance was very solid. Way to go. You know how much I love good pitching. Keep it up; we're all rooting for you.

Dear Jason Kubel: Boom! Oh yeah! You loves you some grand slam action. Next time I see you, I'll buy the Gummi Bears.

Dear Kevin Slowey: There you go, pal. That's the kind of pitching we like to see. In fact, you were doing such a nice job, Bert accidentally called you Brad Radke. Keep it up, and I'll love you almost as much as I loved him.

And, most importantly --

Dear Delmon Young: I'm thunderstruck, and I like it. You are on one hell of a tear, and it's beautiful. I mean, look at you at the plate. Sure, you still swing at a lot of pitches, but you're not flailing. You're making contact, and hitting to all fields. And, that power...ooh la la. Also, when the cameras catch you on the bench, you seem all happy and fun and stuff. I like seeing that. Let's face it -- you're good. Please sustain this good mojo, because everyone is beginning to love you, including me.

Eternally yours,
k-bro

A Lot of Questions About HGH Testing

k-bro's note: Once again, I've climbed upon a soap box to bloviate about a subject of controversy. What can I say? I've got a thorn in my craw. I'll resume to my regular fun and whimsical, yet feckless, blog posts shortly.


On Thursday, Major League Baseball announced that it will test minor league players who are not on an MLB 40-man roster for synthetic human growth hormone (HGH), effective immediately. I have some pretty strong opinions about this matter, which I won't directly go into here. More importantly, I have a lot of questions.

Before I get started, I want to make some things perfectly clear:

• I am not a medical, legal, or contract expert. My statements come only from my head, with very little expertise to back them up.
• I did not have time to thoroughly research this topic. I've heard things on talk radio and I've read a small sampling of blog posts and main-street-media articles (which all pretty much site the same sources). Additionally, I do not have access to experts who can answer these questions or back up these statement. If anything in here seem naive, it's because it is.
• I completely understand that HGH is a banned substance. I feel that if anyone ever gets caught taking HGH, he should get in trouble.
• I do not condone any player taking any banned substances for any reason without clearing it through the league first.
• I'm not looking to debate the topic of steroid use in baseball. Nor am I looking to debate the topic of drug testing. I, however, feel that the players deserve to have some questions answered before this proceeds. 
• Even though it may seem like it, I'm not trying to be sassy or sarcastic. These are real questions I have and would like real answers.

Testing for HGH is so controversial because it requires blood to be drawn. All other drug screening is done with urine testing. MLB is testing only minor leaguers because they're not members of the players' union and not covered by collective bargaining.

This is a very cutting edge move by MLB; it is the first professional sport organization in the US to implement it. However, before everyone salutes Bud Selig for this forward-looking approach, I think the players, and the public to some extent, deserve to fully understand the risks, rewards, consequences, and science behind this plan.

Here are my questions:

1. Why now, in the middle of the season? Testing during Spring Training makes so much more sense. Do they think they're on to something? 
2. Why isn't it allowed in the current collective bargaining agreement? Is it because it's invasive? Is it because they have no independent research to validate the procedures and outcomes? There must be some reason the players' union balked at it before. Are they likely to balk at it again?
3. Does taking HGH really enhance performance? When Andy Pettitte admitted to using HGH, he claimed it was so that he could heal faster, not to improve his skills. In fact, everything I've heard about HGH said that it doesn't enhance performance at all. Are minor leaguers, who are generally young and heal well naturally, taking a lot of HGH?
4. Is HGH use really a problem, especially in the minors? Will Carroll, who writes for Baseball Prospectus and tweets as @injuryexpert, wrote in his personal blog that he doubts many minor leaguers have the financial or logistic means to purchase, store, and take HGH. Will very many of these guys test positive? Will it be worth the effort?
5. What is the detection period of HGH? I don't think anyone really knows. I've heard that the time takes the body to metabolize it is anywhere from a few hours to two weeks, although most of the stuff I've read claims it's closer to 36 to 48 hours. How fast after a guy takes HGH can a test be successful?
6. Is the test reliable? I've read a few articles that said the HGH test isn't all that accurate; it's prone to false-positives. What happens in those cases? If someone tests positive, and the hormone really metabolizes in 36-48 hours, is there time to retest to rule out a false-positive?
7. Will the players be protected from injury? I give blood from time to time, and I have blood work done every three months, so I know that drawing blood is pretty safe. However, there are some cases where veins "roll" and it's nearly impossible to draw blood without several pokings which get quite painful (this happens to my son, so I've seen it first-hand). And there's the occasional "poke-through" where the needle pierces completely through the vein and leaves a bruise -- it's minor, but it can hurt.
8. Are there civil liberties implications? Urine can be considered waste, so there are no rights against testing it. However, players are still using their blood until it gets drawn. Can they really perform drug testing using an invasive procedure without probable cause? The minor-league contract may state that they can, so I don't know. But I'm willing to bet there are some savvy lawyers ready to start researching this.
9. Why so secretive? A number of the articles I've read state that the overseers of the test, the World Anti-Doping Agency, has not revealed their data. Therefore, it can't be verified by independent research. Which could be a sticking point with the players' union if MLB wants to move forward with testing of major leaguers.

I don't mean to discredit the effort to keep cheating out of baseball. I appreciate that having a test will most likely be a deterrent, which is a good thing. But there are so many unanswered questions surrounding the whole HGH topic. Everyone needs to aim for a safe, effective, reliable, and understandable solution.

If Rick Anderson Starts Drinking More, We'll Know What Happened -- A Story

It's about 11 pm. Joe Vavra and Rick Anderson go to a bar after the game that the team they work for as the hitting coach and pitching coach, respectively, just played. They badly need a drink.

The establishment is a small place: a little too dark and a little too rank to be considered "nice." There are only a handful of people inside. The men take their seats toward the far end of the bar and wait for the bartender to finish her conversation with another patron.

"Summit, tall," Rick requests when she wanders down to greet them. "I'll have the same" Joe adds. The bartender is an average woman: a little too old and a little too heavy to be considered "pretty." It's clear she and the bar have been together a long time. She retreats to tap their beers.

"So, that was another clunker, huh?" Joe offers, trying to generate some small talk.

"Yeah," Rick replies, rubbing his brow. "But at least your guys have some fight in 'em. My guys...I don't know..." he continues with a sigh.

"Well, my guys aren't exactly perfect. They're hitting into way too many double-plays. And I still can't figure out how to get them to hit with more power at home.... But, I hear ya'. Yeah, I don't know what to tell you, Andy. They're capable of doing so much better." Joe replies helpfully as the bartender returns with their drinks. The men thank her. She lingers to see if they want anything else and to be friendly.

Rick continues, trying to include the bartender, because his frustration runs so deep, he's willing to vent to anyone who'll listen -- even strangers. "I don't know what their problem is. They're just not listening to me. They have great bullpens, but then they go out and stink up the joint. They're leaving pitches up....They're not trusting Mauer.... They're not making adjustments.

"They're so shitty lately, and I'm getting so sick of walking out to the mound every fifteen minutes to tell them to trust their stuff. I'm sick of all of it!" he yells, and then cuts himself off.

The bar becomes quiet as Joe, the bartender, and even the other patrons look at Rick with both concern and sympathy.

Suddenly, Rick slams his fist on the bar.

After a moment, the bartender looks at Rick and states, "hell, if they were my guys, I'd line them up just like kids picking teams, pick out the good ones and take them to Dairy Queen. The bad ones? I'd sell them for beer money."